As a parent, one of the events we look forward to is our kids being recognized for their accomplishments and hard work during the school year. Today was the 4th quarter ceremony for my 1st graders class, he received teachers award for Kindness.

Before I start I will say I am VERY PROUD of my son. He truly is a sweet and caring child. He always goes above and beyond to help others and treat everyone kindly. He more than deserves an award for his character and overall amazing personality!

Ok now on to the truth. A small part of me, even though I am very proud, sees and feels like receiving a teacher award for kindness is almost like receiving the miss congeniality award at a beauty pageant. You didn’t win or excel in areas of academics but everyone loves/likes you because you are so sweet and nice they had to give you something. Because you are well just you, so loved and great you deserve something right?

Does this make him any less deserving of his award or me any less proud? Not at all, in fact I am more than proud that my boys are actually good kids who care. This is a character trait that will last them a life time and will create a happy and loving environment for their future families.

The reality in life is some people are good at sports, others at art or playing music, some in school and then there are kids like mine. They are very smart with amazing imaginations but because of their learning disabilities the early years of school can be a painful struggle and reminder that their brain are different. They eventually will catch up and do more than well in school but at first it’s difficult. I’m not saying the kids earning school awards don’t work hard, I know they do and their parents should be also be proud. What I’m saying is my kids work just as hard, most the time harder and at never seem to be able to reach the goals or live up to levels of achievements as others kids do. Well not yet…

I am very proud of my boys and their amazing future will ultimately be their award. No better achievement in life then happiness and to be loved right?

So to my 1st grader… Congratulations! Mommy is so proud of you and definitely deserve your award and please don’t ever change!

working on updating my blog so things may look a little off for now. Hoping to have everything fixed soon.

No one remembers your name…………..

It’s the first day of middle school and you’re so nervous you can feel you stomach creeping into your throat.  Will this be the year I can finally fit in? Maybe things will be different and people will finally like me? Why am I so different? Why am I such a freak? Why can’t I just fit in? Why can’t I just be normal? Why does everyone hate me so much? Why can’t I stop hating myself? Why am I so alone? Why do your words hurt so much? Why am I alive? Why can’t I just fall asleep and never wake up again? Why do I cry so much?

Why?

Why?

Help?

“kids will be kids”, “kids just need thicker skin”, “it’s part of life, get used it”, “its not bullying, just normal kid fighting”, “they deserved what they got”, “maybe if they tried fitting in more they wouldn’t be picked on so much”, “they’re just words, get over it” …..

Words hurt, and the pain can last a life time. Being “punished” by your peers for being different isn’t fair. Being beaten down to the point of so much self doubt makes it difficult to tell anyone what is going on. Sometimes a child doesn’t know how to ask for help. Sometimes they are too broken or embarrassed to talk to anyone about it.

Bullying begins in the home and we all need to do something about it.

Here are just a few facts about bullying in the U.S. from the How To Stop Bullying website:

• 1 out of 4 kids is Bullied
• School bullying statistics surveys show that 77% of students are bullied mentally, verbally, & physically
• Each day 160,000 students miss school for fear of being bullied
• Playground school bullying statistics – Every 7 minutes a child is bullied. Adult intervention – 4%. Peer intervention – 11%. No intervention – 85%.

What are YOU doing to help?

The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. ~ Albert Einstein

When ever there is a holiday, be it Christmas, Mother’s Day, my birthday, I always go through a day or two after feeling kind of blah.

I think it stems from my inner “youngest child” and not wanting to let go of the magic the day brings and liking to be the center of attention. So now that Mother’s Day is over I have to face reality of real life. I sort of blame my hubby, see he spoils me rotten on Mother’s Day. I don’t get just one day I get an entire weekend. 2 days free of cleaning, dishes, listening to my kids and type of worry at all. I get to spend the entire weekend, in bed and my p.j.’s if I want, doing nothing but offering hugs & kisses when the kids come in just to check if I’m still around and breathing.

So tomorrow it’s back to the grind. Back to waking up and getting kids ready for school, fixing lunches, laundry, homework, fixing dinner and being the real mom I got a break from being.

So thank you to my husband for always making me feel so special on my special day and thank you do my boys for allowing me to be a lazy blob and leaving me alone.

Happy Mother’s Day to you wonderful mom’s out there. Today is your day, enjoy!

So as the mom of boys you would think I know better. It should be ingrained into my brain that if I ask them for help or to do a chore that I NEED to let them know EXACTLY what I want them do and how to do it. Like “pick up your shoes” really should be “pick up your shoes, walk upstairs and put them away neatly in your closet and not all over the floor”.

Well after 15 years one would hope you wouldn’t have to be so precise when asking your teenager to put something away. A simple request like “Can you put the toilet paper away?” after a trip to the grocery store can be a pain. A couple days ago and I asked just that. So what does he do? He throws the entire package in the closet. So again “can you please open and PUT IT WHERE IT BELONGS UNDER THE SINK?!”

So this was his final attempt and truly……..I give up!

Many of you who know me personally in real life know that I am ADHD. So what is it like to have ADD? Well where do we start? I’ll start off with a typical morning.

I set off to start a calendar/log/goal sheet to keep a constant reminder to keep me on track. Open up excel and as I begin writing  have a thought about a past poem or writing that I want to tweak. Now I need to go searching for a copy of the poem. While looking I find a box with tools but I have candles and other supplies mixed in it that don’t belong. So I begin cleaning out the box and realize I also need to find another box for all the stuff I’m finding.  While cleaning I find old items that belong to my sons so I now have to go through my entire closet.

Now that I started cleaning the closet I have managed to create huge piles and start throwing out things no longer needed, categorize the things I am keeping and still can’t find a box. I start taking a few things out of one of my piles into Darian room and realize his drawer is a mess. I know I can’t live with a mess like that because I am too easily distracted. So I need to help him out and start working in his room.

So while organizing Darian drawers this lead to me finding that I need to get rid of clothing that no longer fits so I end up cleaning out his closet.  An hour or so later his drawers and closet are clean but I now the way I have his room and drawers arranged makes it hard for him to keep it this clean. OH another project!

So now I need to rearrange his entire room but it doesn’t look right so I move it back to the way it was…..almost. As I am getting ready to move the bed back I come up with an idea to build him a desk and matching headboard to help him have a place to create while keeping his room clean.

So I pack the youngest in the car and go to home depot and buy supplies. I come home and start sawing and building his desk and redesigning his room and as I am winding down cant find my drill so I go looking for it so I can finish putting everything together. As I walk down the hall I see my toddler’s room is a mess since I forgot to clean his room in the morning.

So now I head into Connors room and start picking up the toys and think “hmmm, maybe I can move this book shelve to help keep his room clean” so I start rearranging Connors room and move his bed, toy boxes and so on. As I start moving around his things I find toys he no longer plays with.

So I start putting toys in bags and have a great idea to have a garage sale and sell all the clothes and toys from the boys to buy them new ones. I am almost done with Connors room I realize it is almost time for Darian to get home from school so now I have to rush to finish his room before he gets home. Both rooms are a mess and the kids are now complaining because they can’t get in to play.

It is almost dinner time and hubby will be home soon. I don’t want him to know all I have been doing today since he already thinks I am crazy and will think it even more if I leave their rooms unlivable. So I call him and ask him to pick dinner up but really this is a stall to get another hour to finish.

It is now 6 at night and I am almost done but can’t stand all the holes I put in the wall so I am using hole filler because I decided I want to paint the holes. I still need to finish cleaning the kitchen and house  to help make things look normal until I can get back to what I am doing. Just then I realize!!! MY ROOM!!!

Hubby is due home any minute and I can’t even walk in my room!!! So I throw everything in my closet, thank goodness for separate closets and try to pick up as much as I can for now.

Hubby is home and we eat, the entire time thinking to myself what I need and want to do to Darians & Connors rooms and how much I need to clean my closet.

As the night ends and we go to bed (after I spent 2 hours cleaning after the kids are in bed) I can’t fall asleep because my mind keeps thinking about what I need to do but eventually it is morning.

Hubby leaves and I start off my day by getting out the paint. I tear apart Darians room again and paint it the new color. Not enough so I am off to the store for wallpaper trim and glow in the dark stars, hours later I have the paint done, the desk built and begin putting it back together.

As I am finishing and happy with my work I realize how much Connor loved helping me so I go in the back yard and start building a small clubhouse in-between still trying to get bits and pieces of my closet cleaned out. It started off with only a roof but I ended up building a complete frame and as I am putting the roof on decided I want to put actual shingles so back to the store. While I am at the store I start thinking about putting carpet and lights as well as maybe a little couch.

So I go back to the boy’s rooms to start looking for things I can use for the new club house. I tear their rooms apart so I can use extra toy boxes and such and spend the day painting and setting the club house up to be cool. Then I remember I left their rooms torn apart. So I go back in and start picking their rooms up but run across a few dishes in Connors room he was playing with

So I take them into the kitchen as I put the dishes away. I start thinking about how he likes to play with pots and pans but also figure out how to open the cabinet locks so I start pulling everything out of all the cabinets and drawers and place them on the table. Now I am going to rearrange all cabinets to make is Connor safe but also allow him to be able to help me out and play. But it is almost Dinner so I need to make it quick since I don’t know what to cook yet.

PHEW!!! That was a mouth full. Anyways, what was the point of this post? Oh hell, I can’t remember!

I do have the sudden urge now to go work on Darians room since I haven’t done anything with it yet since we moved. Now where did I put that drill?

(ps I never did finish my orginaztional chart…….who has the time?)

oh and here is the old club house I built, it actually took me over a week to totally finish it

GIRLS – There is no such thing as too many shoes and not all black shoes are created equal. Trying to explain why you need 10 pairs of black shoes to your boys or your husband can be difficult

BOYS – One can never have too many toy cars.  Not all red cars are created equal so you MUST dump them out all over your room and the stairs to find the right one. When you hear your mom scream as she falls down the stairs after tripping over one of them then you know you’ve found the right one.

GIRLS – Pillows can add nice splash of color to any room and creates a soft and cozy feel.

BOYS – Pillows are only good for two things – 1. hitting your brother in the head while he takes a drink of red fruit punch. 2. Hiding the big stain on the couch from said fruit punch.

GIRLS – Nothing is better then curling up with a cozy blanket, a box of tissues and crying your heart out watching a sad nature show on a cable channel.

BOYS – Nothing is better then watching said nature show then deciding to go out into the hills to find your own dead animal that same day and leaving it by the back door to traumatize your mom. (but blame it on the cat of course)

GIRLS – Will turn all mushy over little babies and even take great pleasure (at times) changing dirty diapers and going ga ga over cute little baby bottoms.

BOYS – are repulsed at the idea of a poopy diaper and may even protest the idea of even getting close to the baby during a changing but have no problem using said diaper as a poo bomb and taking great pleasure at tossing it as hard as they can at their little brother.

GIRLS – respect the idea of closed doors and keep Mother Nature and her insects and other pest outside and KNOW lizards and crickets DO NOT make for good pets

BOYS – can’t, for the life of them, close a door and if the insects don’t find their way in on their own will give it a helping hand making it’s way inside from the boy who now thinks this disgusting creature will make a good pet. BONUS if mom finds this pest and it makes her SCREAM!

And a few final thoughts I learned from being a mom and wife living in a house with only boys:

Little boys love to explore and learn about the world by getting down in the dirt and getting very messy. As a mom you need to appreciate every stain and hole in their jeans because it is a sign; almost a little boys badge, they’ve learned something new that day.

Little girls grow and become women. Little boys grow up and become even bigger little boys. You will see this when your husband has sons of his own and helps them find ways to get dirty or in trouble like when he was a kid. It’s a beautiful thing.

And finally….. little boys may find ways to break things or make a mess of the living room. But nothing is more precious then when that a little boy walks in the house covered from head to toe in mud and scratches, lifts up is hand full of picked flower and hands it to his mommy. Then with his sweet voice and big smile says “I love you Mom”………makes it all worth it.

Thank Heaven for Little Boys!

So I’ve always done what ever it takes to avoid the roads, let alone places for shopping the day after Thanksgiving. The entire thought of HUGE crowds and screaming women fighting over the last scarf off of the 90% sales wrack has caused me nightmares most my life. As a women I know it’s my right of passage to shop, but it’s really not my thing. I mean I love my COACH purses and the occasional shoe shopping trip. But for the most part I’m happy to get in then get out and avoiding crowds as much as possible. One of my life goals was to be able to say on my death bed, “I’ve avoided Black Friday and Survived”.

Well this year that is all going to change. Not only did I agree to do Black Friday, I decided to do it first thing in the am and I’m doing with my mother in law! I’ve already read all the ads and mapped all my stops. So now I just have to ask……when did I turn into my mom?

Someone help me!!! ARGH!!!

So I struggled in school. Actually “struggled” is an understatement. I always felt like I was drowning and no matter how hard I tried couldn’t swim back to the top.

I knew something was going on because the grown ups were always meeting and talking about me, so I had to be bad. I even ended up in special classes part of the day and that really made me feel stupid. I was constantly being told I think too much, over complicate my thoughts and didn’t pay attention. Oh and I was a perpetual “day dreamer”.

I never could understand how all the kids around me could take such neat and organized notes and do so well on their test.  I would try over and over again to take the same notes but always ended up with partial words and a bunch of doodles. No matter what I would do I only heard half of what was being said, if that. So I had to be a big dummy right?

I also struggled with how to talk to people. I could never find the right words or stay on topic. I was always the “weird” one. Of course the kids at school started to notice that I was different and I ended up being the easy target for teasing and ridicule. So that was proof  that I was stupid and ugly because not only are my parents and the grown ups talking about me all the times, the kids are telling me I am also.

So I hated school. I hated teh grown ups and and I started to hate myself. Why couldn’t I just learn and remember like everyone else? Why did I have to be different?

I would later understand that I am ADHD and had dyslexia. I just wish I would have knew or understood what was going on in my mind earlier. I spent too many years trying to figure out who I was and what was going on in my mind, never knowing or understanding the bigger picture. The most painful question for the longest time was always “why me”?  I didn’t understand or appreciate my brain until I was an adult.

The most important answer to my life long question of “why me” is that I can help my children who are now dealing with the same issues. I can help them understand, or try to, the mind they were blessed with and how they can use it to help them succeed. I will hold them up when life gets them down because I’ve been there. I will try to help them understand and to be proud to have an ADD mind.

So the final answer to my life long question to “why” is simply “because they need me”.

And the truth is ADHD isn’t a disability but an unique mind with tons of potential. Here’s to a life filled with great ADDitudes!!